Thoughts for Friday

I was thinking about my time in the bush in Zimbabwe 10 years ago. and about the profound life change experience I went through during my months out there. I was e-mailing my friend and co-conspirator from that year, Paul, and I started to think more and more.

It's a time I remember very fondly and is certainly a time when I learnt a huge amount about myself, life and others. I still keep my diary from that year with me and read it from time to time. Especially when I'm going through a difficult phase because I find it puts things into perspective. I have one of the photo albums with me in London as well and it does cheer me up. As an aside I think that year was the first time I got interested in photography as well, which I'm getting back into a lot at the moment, so life is kind of doing a bit a loop at the moment.

I've found that I've been very focussed on my career these last few years and it's starting to dawn on me that there is a hole in my life. It's not stopping me from doing anything, but I do think I am missing out on something that I maybe had before. I think there are several reasons I'm starting to feel this. I'm starting to feel the weight of responsibility a bit with the job. Times are tough at the moment and we're having to lay people off and close magazines. It's the harsh reality of life, but it's never easy. Especially as I'm close to some of them. I don't particularly fear for myself, but I guess it subconsciously makes you think about your position as well. As I'm getting older I think I'm realising that work is not everything. It's just a job. I care about what I do and I will push the extra mile for the company, but there is more to life. I'm starting to resent some of the work stuff encroaching on my life. This is also partly because my partnet, Janet, and I are very close and she's good at kicking me in the butt if I get too absorbed in work or myself. Coupled with the fact that we are talking about settling down together and I don't want to be so focussed on something like work that she is neglected. Does that sound weird?
I think that may be a reason why I'm diving into photography and the blog. It's something new, but linked to my previous interests. And yet it's still something creative and interactive. I'm also reading a lot more books again which I think is helping me to expand my mind and horizons.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd love to pick up the journey again. I guess I'm a little worried that I may not be able to get as into it as I did all those years ago. Or maybe I'm a little worried that I may realise that what I'm doing is not what I'm destined to do, which is a little scary.

Just a few thoughts and stuff that those concerned might want to know about. To them I say thank you.